Red Tape
by N a i. K i r e i. Y u k i
Summary: And Naruto knows how to cross the line every single time... SasuNaru.


_And Naruto knows how to cross the line every single time... SasuNaru._

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_Sorry. Sorry. SORRY. 3__rd__ time is the charm? Hopefully it won't be taken down this time? Sorry to everyone who reviewed before._

_/:_

_**Warning**__; Vulgar language. Sexual Language. Inappropriate discussions. Don't like. Don't read. _

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"Hey. How are you?" Sakura slid into the booth, glad the sun was beaming through the spotless windows, wrapping a blanket of confidence around her. She was so flying so high, _nothing_ could tear her down.

The lantern lights, the application of forest greens and roman bronze scheme, and the contrasting red booth seats introduced a calm, sophisticated mood. The main marble counter slung with a variety of delicious syrups were in view of the public eye, luring in dozens of coffee-addicts. Thankfully, the employees were always so helpful and courteous that Sakura would always return to the café as long as he lived in the urban area.

The blond observed her seating her purse next to her and loosening her Burberry scarf. She swung her pink hair over her shoulder. Her hair looked longer than the last time he saw her, which felt like was lifetimes ago. He hardly ever saw her on the college campus, unlike Sasuke who had the pleasure of seeing her everyday outside of his psychology class, waiting from him. Correction, stalking him. It was why he was here. Protecting his main man like he promised he would.

"Fine, how are you?"

She inhaled the aroma of the best coffee shop on the block. Breaking into a smile, she sat back into the booth. Today was bound to be great. She was drinking her favorite hot beverage from the French owned café—her mocha frappe latte—_and _she was going to learn the secrets of Sasuke Uchiha from the one and only Naruto Uzumaki. This day couldn't possibly get any better.

"Great. I hope this isn't strange since we hardly speak and everything."

"No… It's fine." Naruto placed his chilled face over the steaming liquid held by the white mug.

"Are you sure?" said the stalker.

"Yeah. Really, I don't mind," Naruto shook his head, looking up into the resolute emeralds.

"Oh, well okay… I wanted to talk to you about Sasuke." She instantly perked, thinking about his beautiful structure. The structure of a pure, celestial god.

"Big surprise," Naruto rolled his eyes, resisting the temptation to get up and leave.

"Naruto, seriously. I really like him and I _really_ want to bag him."

Naruto neutrally flattened, looking back down at his swirling coffee. He was certain it was getting cold, but he couldn't force himself to sip it.

"And you're his best friend… You're the only one who can help me."

Naruto smiled, inspiring her to continue.

She leaned over, her cleavage pressing into the table edge. "So, tell me. What does Sasuke like in a girl?"

Naruto appeared to look thoughtful even though there wasn't much thinking happening. Looking at the hopeful girl leaning into his pending advice, Naruto smiled, thinking, 'How can I hurt her the most?' Intending to go for the jugular, he procrastinated a few moments longer. Inching toward the spoon that was safely tucked away in the signature café napkin, he pulled his mug closer to him. "Well for starters, maybe a natural hair color…" Naruto shrugged unmindfully, carefully pulling the spoon from the wrapping.

He peeked up to see Sakura self-consciously grab at her hair. Bingo. He licked his lips so the smile on his lips was virtually untraceable.

"But what would I know?" Naruto permitted the vague smile, reaching for a pack of sugar from the condiments container at the end of the booth. "Sasuke's a closed book. Lock and key." Naruto two more packs, offering one to deflated woman on the other side. Sugar?"

Sasuke didn't like sugar… Another thing Sakura would never know about _his_ Sasuke.

"No, thank you, I'm good." She quickly smiled to hide her hurt.

"I insist. Sugar makes everything better." She accepted, cautiously, looking between the small packet and Naruto's unreadability.

"Comforting almost."

"I guess." She said, tearing at the packet. What was going on? Naruto just insulted her and now he was offering sugar? She came here to receive information on the man that always seemed out of her reach, not to be ridiculed on the color of her hair. He didn't even seem to notice that he was being unusually cruel. She wanted to call him on it but instead she remained silent. The two men were inseparable. Joined at the dick. If Naruto could help her finally get Sasuke, she didn't throw away the chance by biting the hand that fed her.

He was being coy but it didn't matter. She was going to get what she wanted from him, tooth and nail.

Pouring a small amount of sugar into her regular coffee, her bright eyes looked at Naruto. "What about sex? Do you know what he likes? Maybe some tricks I can use to charm him into my bed?"

"Let's see… Sasuke likes when I blow him in his sleep. _AND_, when he walks in on me freeballing or masturbating. You know, whatever _comes_ first."

Grasping the horrified expression on her face, Naruto shamelessly continued. "And he likes when I kiss him when he's blowing his huge load… He _also_ likes when I scream his name when we're hitting our **grand** slam." Naruto dreamily, smiled through Sakura, contently expelling air.

"Y-you're lying."

"Why would I be? Look, I'm not proud of me and Sasuke's sex games either—he _is_ my best friend but what can I do. Dude's an animal." Naruto took the first drink of his coffee, feeling like an imaginary weight had been lifted. "Like when I'm doing my homework, guy just comes and whips it out and—"

"I've heard enough." She snatched her purse, threw it on her shoulder.

"Wait!" Naruto called after her.

Her black heeled boots clacked consecutively toward the entrance.

"The reason Sasuke never thinks about you is because he's too busy thinking about me." She turned to see scornful blue eyes and a haughty smirk on the unforgettable pink lips.

She infuriatedly screamed.

A small blonde girl near her covered her ears, closing her eyes tightly. Her mother always told her not to be loud in public because she was disturbing the peace. Now she understood what her mother meant. This lady wailing her lungs out in the middle of the café isle was annoying and inconsiderate. Didn't _her_ mother teach her not be a fool around other people?

"Hey lady," Sakura's watery eyes looked at the five year sitting in the booth near the glass door. "Mm?"

"Can it!" She huffed. "Didn't your mother teach you any manners!"

"Kelly!" The young mother scolded her daughter from the other side of the table. Quickly the mother apologetically smiled at Sakura. "I'm sorry. She can be a little mouthy sometimes."

Sakura nodded with a sad smile.

Holding on to her purse handle, she looked at the laces of her shoes, mumbling, "I can't believe my Sasuke is gay."

"Exclusively for _me_!" Naruto cupped her hands around his mouth to make sure she heard as she exited.

Naruto boisterously cackled as he heard the door close and saw the female skedaddle from the building as far as she could, as fast as she could.

He touched his lips trying to figure out if this was the same body part he used to rip Sakura limb to limb. It was true. Words were the greatest weapon humanity was naturally equipped with, whether they were true or not. Smiling, he finished his cup of coffee.

Leave it up to him to be the one to take out Sasuke's trash and have to burn it too. Jeez, what would that assface Uchiha do without him?

_:::_

Naruto returned back to their shared apartment. Walking in, he removed the scarf from around his neck and began unbuttoning his black, feathered coat. He greeted his pale roommate seated on the antique coach adjacent to the small kitchen island. Sasuke had welcomed him but seemed trapped in a mental rut that didn't seem to be sparked from the homework scattered on the center table.

"Naruto, Sakura didn't wait for me outside my psychology class today." Sasuke suspiciously eyed man over his shoulder.

Naruto slowly placed his coat on the rack, taking his first look at Sasuke for the day. "So what? You miss her?"

"Hell no. I just want to know… What did you do?"

"I told you I would handle it and I did…" Naruto trailed, shrugging, slinging his scarf over his forearm.

Skeptically Sasuke glanced at the smug blond, "What _did _you tell her?"

Naruto turned to the hallway to go to his room. "What every girl wants to hear—the truth." Naruto cryptically smiled at the confused man, leaving him behind in a shadow of doubt.

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Vocab- _to bag someone_ means to get someone interested/date them.

That was fun to write, I hoped you liked it.

I'll leave it up to you to decide if Naruto is lying or not and… if Sakura deserved it or not(:

That would be one hell of a lie, wouldn't it?

What do you think? From what you read here, are they an item? A review would be appreciated ^_-

TYFR|'NKY. Happy Valentine's Day ;)


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